MIA - Mom of 3 was sucked into her own life

Who me, missing?

Yeah, sorry that's what I do sometimes. There are some things that are better left unsaid.

On a fun note. I won the TNT Madness bracket! Which means 100% of the money raised will go towards my fundraising goal! I've never won a bracket before and it was NOT fixed. I picked Ohio State to win it all if that tell's you anything. I'll say that it wasn't that hard this year will all of the "bracket busting" going on. Either way it was fun and thank you supporting my efforts!

Decided we needed a change so for Spring Break, I packed up the kiddos and did the 12 hour haul to Wichita by myself to visit Nanni and Poppi. I was sorry to leave Mr. Man at home all by his lonesome but he did just fine and joined us for Easter weekend and the haul back to Chicagoland.

Now Nanni and Poppi are Mr. Man's parents so technically the are the in-laws. When I told people that I was going to visit my in-laws (gasp) without my husband people where shocked. "Why?" Why not? I have fantastic in-laws who love their grandkids and me. I guess I am one of the lucky ones, and for that I am very greatful. We had a very fun-filled week with them and Aunt IronFish too.

Aunt IronFish is currently unemployed, which is a darn shame, because she is very intelligent, funny and very hireable. If you have a job opening in Kansas City please hire her. You won't regret it. And if you do, well you didn't hear about her from me! She came and spent the week with us as well and it was great.

We went to parks, took walks, went to the Sedgwick County Zoo, went miniature golfing, rode scooters, flew kites, blew bubbles, relaxed on the back deck and enjoyed beautiful Spring weather.

Aunt IronFish and I went a VERY windy bike ride. A very typical Kansas day. Hard ride but got some great tips and encouragement from her. I really appreciated it.

Mr. Man was able to borrow a bike from a friend and we ventured out on a 50 mile bike ride with the Kansas Team in Training group on Saturday morning. It was hard but I really enjoyed riding with them. They stick together when they ride. They either ride in two lines or a single line depending on traffic. They will wait for the entire group to regroup if someone (me!) drops off a bit. Their coach even pushed me along a couple of times. That, by the way was one of the scariest things ever. Kind of cool, but scary! I picked up a lot of newbie cyclist tips from their coaches and really appreciated  it. Wish I could ride with them again!

Easter mass was nice, but slightly difficult as always with the 3 kiddos. The rest of the day didn't end up on as good of a note as I wished it would have but oh well. The drive home was long! Still 12 hours but felt more like 15. Mr. Man and I were trying to talk through a difficult family situation and still really hasn't worked itself out. Hopefully it will. Family wounds are a tough thing to deal with but somehow they always seem to glue themselves back together again.

And here we are it's almost Tax Day! Yikes, I really do need to get those filed today or tomorrow at least don't I? Well, I know where I'm going now.....too-da-loo!

Learning to get back on the bike - for a great cause!

In response to my last post, I just wanted to let you know that I am okay. That was written at the height of a very difficult period for me. Thank you for your support and kind words, in email, comments and phone calls. I've come to realize that I am still grieving and dealing with things that happened to my family that I had absolutely no control over. I was very angry and felt lost for awhile. I have my family. We are together and we are all healthy. I shouldn't ask for more.


Recently, I have tried to come up with a plan. A plan to better myself in the ways of the body, mind and soul. I starting working out and running again. I'm working through the Couch to 5 K plan. Starting small and building. I will be participating in the Madison Shamrock Shuffle, a 5K in March. That will be two weeks before my birthday and will be a huge confidence booster for me.

I have also rejoined a group that I believe in so strongly and that has made a big impact on my life in the last few years. I have signed up with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training again. This will be my third endurance with TNT. I did the Nike Women's Marathon in 2007 and the Nike Women's Half Marathon in 2008. Those events and the months leading up to them were absolutely amazing. The people that I met were inspiring and motivating. I felt strong, and empowered. And I will again.
I have committed to raising $4400 to help try to find a cure for blood cancers, $1400 of it by the end of February. While doing this I will be training to compete in a century ride. A 100 mile bike ride around Lake Tahoe on June 6, 2010. Good thing it's called America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride because 100 miles, on a bike, well it's 100 miles! (Oh my sore butt!) So with great scenery, good people all working for the same cause, to find a cure, all while overcoming a little fear of getting back on a bike, I know that I can do this.

I know that finances are tight for many families. So even a donation of $10 or $20 can help me reach my fundraising goal. If you can help donate to a wonderful cause please check out my fundraising website. You can make a secure, tax deductible donation online. If you would rather send a check please look to the website for our address. It will be greatly appreciated. If you have someone that you would like me to train and compete in honor of please let me know.

So stay tuned for news of my figuring out how to balance my family, their adventures, my fundraising and training. There is never a dull moment around here!

'Bout as good as a Mom with a college degree

Within the span of a few weeks I heard two very similar remarks. One was on the TV show 30 Rock.. “I feel about as useless as a mom’s college degree.” It's a good think I like that show, but even my husband chuckled at it! It struck a bit of a chord with me and then...

The other was said by someone who is supposed to care about me and has no internet knowledge, so I'm not worried about this getting back to him...But it went something like this "Look, she(me) has a college degree and look what she's doing now? Nothing! Staying home with 3 kids!" Trust me if I had been in the room when that statement was made, someone would have gotten an earfull and maybe a good smack. (Wouldn't have been the first time either.)

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" The question we all have at least five answers for when we are 5. But when we're 36(ish) and I can't answer that question anymore I begin to wonder.

Mom, homemaker, vet, photographer, police officer, doctor, bakery owner, student again, teacher, nurse, writer, knitter, media buyer, runner, public relations whiz, marketing director. Why isn't the title Mom, good enough? Why is saying, "I'm just a Mom," sound so negative to some people and to me sometimes too. I sometimes feel like I need to apologize for it and that sounds more stupid seeing it in writing now!

I was brought up to believe that I could do anything I set my mind to, no matter what. While no one actually said "You have to do this or that," it was just kind of implied. I felt like I was expected to do everything. Is it because I was the oldest of four and the only girl? Was it because my Mom was forced to be a single parent at an early age and she worked so hard to do right by us? Is is because my grandmother did so much in her long lifetime that made me want to do more? Is it just because of the "age" I was born into. The raise your little girls to be Superwomen age?

The expectations list felt and still feels something like this not always in this order but you get the idea...Go to college, get a degree, get a job, be successful, get married, have children, look fabulous while raising children, work out constantly, manage a household, have no debt, cook healthy meals, still work, volunteer, keep a clean house, be athletic, compete in races, be calm, cool and collected the majority of the time and above all be happy.

Yikes, looking at that list I certainly do not get the feeling of happiness. I get nervous, anxious, disappointed, self-conscious, and overwhelmed.

I am happy with my little family. I adore my husband and thankfully he loves me enough to put up with my fits of funkdom and near craziness. My children are amazing, funny and smart. Everyday (at least once a day they redeem themselves) they make me smile, laugh and appreciate being alive every day.

The rest of it I guess shouldn't really matter all that much. But it does some days. I wish I did not care about other people or what they said or thought so much sometimes. I wish I could turn off my brain and not analyze things. But then, that would make me a different person.

I was a planner by nature and now that I really don't have one, I feel at a loss. I feel that I am missing something. I just don't know what that is yet. So I think I need come up with a plan for 2010. I like the ideas of what Autumn is doing over at Living Out Loud and Missy at Loving My Children's Gifts. They are working on monthly goals for themselves for this year. I need to read up! I'll get back to you about how I progress.

A blog fog

I wonder why the words blog and fog rhyme? Hmmm, because I get lost in a fog when I think about the world of blogging? Who is reading about my family and I? Hopefully, it's no one creepy. If you are creepy, stop reading and leave please. I'm paranoid enough. Does anyone really care? Or is it just misguided rants from a stay at home mom of three little boys who doesn't know what she wants to be when she grows up?

We complain about not getting things done. Not cleaning up enough, it really shouldn't be that hard to keep a clean home and put things away, right? Well, right. But we have to keep our iphones charged, so that we can hear it when we get a random email, text or God-forbid a phone call. And then there is our Facebook status that we have to change a minimum of at least 3 times a day and be sure to post on everyone else's adventures. And then there are those links to various articles, websites or blogs on their status updates and of course we need to check out those out too.

So really, there isn't much time for speaking on the phone, chatting with neighbors, visiting at soccer practices or writing a loved one a note just to say hi or cleaning my house. People have gotten so busy, they just don't say "hi" anymore.

My Grandma goes over to my Mom's house every morning to have morning coffee, work on her crossword puzzle and maybe catch a game of Rumikub if she can. She knows that computers can show her pictures of her great-grandkids (if my brothers pull them up for her) but I'm not sure she would know what an email is. I think that's great.

With all of the technological devices out there to keep in touch, truly personal relationships suffer. And hence we suffer as individuals, or at least I do. So I need to decide what my time is worth. Or maybe what is worth my time to look at or do on the internet. I think it's too big. Or at least too big for this Momma.

So here I sit typing away when I should be playing a game with my kids...whoops the iphone just buzzed, gotta go it could be an emergency!