Tuesday, January 19, 2010

'Bout as good as a Mom with a college degree

Within the span of a few weeks I heard two very similar remarks. One was on the TV show 30 Rock.. “I feel about as useless as a mom’s college degree.” It's a good think I like that show, but even my husband chuckled at it! It struck a bit of a chord with me and then...

The other was said by someone who is supposed to care about me and has no internet knowledge, so I'm not worried about this getting back to him...But it went something like this "Look, she(me) has a college degree and look what she's doing now? Nothing! Staying home with 3 kids!" Trust me if I had been in the room when that statement was made, someone would have gotten an earfull and maybe a good smack. (Wouldn't have been the first time either.)

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" The question we all have at least five answers for when we are 5. But when we're 36(ish) and I can't answer that question anymore I begin to wonder.

Mom, homemaker, vet, photographer, police officer, doctor, bakery owner, student again, teacher, nurse, writer, knitter, media buyer, runner, public relations whiz, marketing director. Why isn't the title Mom, good enough? Why is saying, "I'm just a Mom," sound so negative to some people and to me sometimes too. I sometimes feel like I need to apologize for it and that sounds more stupid seeing it in writing now!

I was brought up to believe that I could do anything I set my mind to, no matter what. While no one actually said "You have to do this or that," it was just kind of implied. I felt like I was expected to do everything. Is it because I was the oldest of four and the only girl? Was it because my Mom was forced to be a single parent at an early age and she worked so hard to do right by us? Is is because my grandmother did so much in her long lifetime that made me want to do more? Is it just because of the "age" I was born into. The raise your little girls to be Superwomen age?

The expectations list felt and still feels something like this not always in this order but you get the idea...Go to college, get a degree, get a job, be successful, get married, have children, look fabulous while raising children, work out constantly, manage a household, have no debt, cook healthy meals, still work, volunteer, keep a clean house, be athletic, compete in races, be calm, cool and collected the majority of the time and above all be happy.

Yikes, looking at that list I certainly do not get the feeling of happiness. I get nervous, anxious, disappointed, self-conscious, and overwhelmed.

I am happy with my little family. I adore my husband and thankfully he loves me enough to put up with my fits of funkdom and near craziness. My children are amazing, funny and smart. Everyday (at least once a day they redeem themselves) they make me smile, laugh and appreciate being alive every day.

The rest of it I guess shouldn't really matter all that much. But it does some days. I wish I did not care about other people or what they said or thought so much sometimes. I wish I could turn off my brain and not analyze things. But then, that would make me a different person.

I was a planner by nature and now that I really don't have one, I feel at a loss. I feel that I am missing something. I just don't know what that is yet. So I think I need come up with a plan for 2010. I like the ideas of what Autumn is doing over at Living Out Loud and Missy at Loving My Children's Gifts. They are working on monthly goals for themselves for this year. I need to read up! I'll get back to you about how I progress.


Autumn said...

Hah @ the person who said you had a college degree and all you do is nothing. Sheesh! I would have smacked someone for that.
Ok when I was 9 guess what I wanted to be (no matter who asked this was always my answer for about 5 years)
"Autumn, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
Me: A stay at home mom!!!
What was I thinking?! I thought it would be glitz and glam and lazy days with nothing but books to read and pools to swim in....boy was I ever wrong!
The point of my monthly goals is to keep me sane while I am looking for a job. Being a stay at home mom and a single mom to boot isn't working for me (well it's not paying the bills). Do I still want to be a stay at home mom (like if I could afford it) yes!!!! But I need things like monthly goals to keep my mind focused on anything but the debt piling up around me.
I'm so happy to hear you're starting your own goal thing too!!! My latest post is about my next goal that I need to accomplish. I got started on all of this because:
1) I have the time, and who knows when I'll actually find that job? (Or if I'll have time to do anything once I get it!)
2) I'm sick, SICK, SICK of this house being a mess (and it's not now!!)
3) New Years Resolutions have always failed me or better yet, I've failed them. But goals? I like to believe that when I set my mind to something I can consider it done. And when I blog about it knowing that you all are reading my posts FORCES me to be responsible and see the project through.

Can't wait to hear what you pick first, Missy and I will be there every step of the way to encourage and support you :) After all, what are blogging friends for?!

(ps sorry that was so long!! haha)

Autumn said...

Oh yeah I meant to link you here too, this is what got me on the accomplish goals kick: Word Of The Year and my WOTY is "Goals" :)

Missy said...

Whoa! So excited - I got quoted in someone else's blog!

Thanks so much - I love your life goals list - so true.

I don't see a "followers" widget on here - do you want people to be able to follow you too? If so, let me know, I can help.

Autumn in jeans said...

You know that if you set your blogger profile so that it has "show my email" checked I can reply to your kind comments on my blog via email?
Lol I just wrote out a nice long email to you only to realize it was headed to "Noreply-comment@blogger.com" Ack!!

Other than that though, thanks for the prayers (they worked!) and yes it brightens my day too, I cant believe people care for me so much!! ((still flabbergasted))

Thrifty and Chic Mom said...

Great post, it really resonated with me as I am sure with other "just moms". You are doing an amazingly difficult job and you are doing great. Keep up the great work!

Missy said...

Just saw your follow widget - awesome! I'm a follower now. :)

Lindi Ben said...

Tash, I wish we lived closer to each other. It's funny how mom's need not go into much detail at all about their feelings and it's so very much understood and relatable. We need to talk more often. I'm interested to see if it's knitting or something else that fills that void. But I totally understand!